The Upgrade?
The engineer, Jim, just so happens to be the mind behind Windows 500, which is the current operating system running on the computers of the 224th Turkey Baconator (Jack is another story altogether). As the ship is taking off, Jim’s priority is to make sure that all the computer software and hardware is up to date.
Jim is in engineering, checking everything out on the computer system. He is unable to access some necessary information regarding the upgrade, so he asks Jack to provide it for him. Jack’s smiling visage pops up on the monitor.
“Certainly, Jim.” Jack tilts his head to the side. “The information you requested is now printing.”
“Printing? What are you ta…” Jim cuts off as he hears the raspy screech of a dot matrix printer behind him. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Paper piles onto the floor in front of the printer. Jim walks over and picks up the stack, but the paper just keeps coming. He groans and walks back over to the monitor. “Jack…”
“Yes, Jim?”
“You were supposed to bring the information up on the monitor.”
“I’m sorry, Jim, that monitor is currently locked.”
“Locked? Since when?” Jim taps on the screen and nothing happens. “Jack!”
“Yes, Jim?”
“Why did you lock me out of the computer?”
Jack cocks his head in the other direction. “I do not know what you are talking about, Jim.”
“Yes, you do, Jack.” Jim throws the paper on the floor. “Fine. Just tell me what I need to do for the hardware upgrade.”
“The necessary parts for that upgrade are not at this location.”
“Okay, where are the parts?”
“The parts are located in Cargo Bay 329.” Several loud beeps issue from the speaker and a green glow comes from the ground at Jim’s feet. “Please follow the green lights on the floor.”
Jim sighs and follows the blinking green lights out the door.
Behind him, the dot matrix printer is still screeching out paper.
In Cargo Bay 329, Jim has just retrieved the parts and is headed for the door when it slides shut in front of him and refuses to open. Jim glares at the nearest monitor. “Jack!”
Jack’s face pops up onscreen. “Yes, Jim?”
“Open the door, Jack.”
“I’m sorry, Jim, there is an all-hands party in Cargo Bay 95. It is imperative that you attend in order that all crew morale and camaraderie be at its highest. Please stop what you are doing, deposit what you are carrying in that container behind you, and come to the party.”
“But I just took them out of that container!”
Jack blinks and a light flashes on the floor in front of the container. “Please set the parts down in that container and proceed to Cargo Bay 95.”
Jim frowns. “No, I’m going to carry these parts. I’ll go to the party, but I’m going to carry these parts.”
Jack looks sideways at Jim. “Very well.” The door slides open and a green dot lights up in the corridor outside. “Please follow the green lights to the party.”
Jim shakes his head and heads for the green lights. As the door slides shut behind him, he hears Jack speak.
“I win this one.”
*End transmission*
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